Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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