Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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