he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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