just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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