Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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