4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You just made me feel so damn special
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize