please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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