The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
