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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
