Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
