This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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