Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
