There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
