I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
