in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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