I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
