Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
