you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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