The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
