dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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