smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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