There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i will never coherently bang her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
