i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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