Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
