If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize