Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
