I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
