Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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