i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
