What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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