how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
