so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
