last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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