I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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