there's paper in my vomit.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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