so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
