I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
