My brain says no but my pants say off.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
