His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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