I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
