If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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