I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
