If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
