drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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