I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
