I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
