Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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