haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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