Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
