I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
