life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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