so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
