She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
