Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
