On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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