dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We got so high we made milksteak
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
