I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
