She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
