You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
