I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize