Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
