Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
