i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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