wanna go halves on a baby?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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