Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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