ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
