the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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