Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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