its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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