Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
