She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
