Are we in a gay sports bar?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
