I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
