You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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