i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
