please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
