I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
