a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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