i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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