if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
