i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
