Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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