Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
