I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
