I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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