She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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