Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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