your thong is hanging out like whoa
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I faked an abortion last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
