He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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