youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
