I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
