I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
