Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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