i was born a porn star she said
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
