I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
