somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
