true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
