Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
