Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
