I feel great
I just peed on a car
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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