i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
