Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
