do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
